Recent events in my life have led me to evaluate the people by whom I am surrounded. I have many great people whose lives I have shared in one way or another, by one circumstance to another, having met by chance, through another, work or school, or simply just. These are friendships we hold dear to our hearts, near or far, people we know who have always been there and always will. And hardship is the true test of the relationship - so can it stand through it all?
Whatever is the answer, what we seek for when we do for that solace, may not receive the same answer from each person. We need to look deep into ourselves to fully realise what type of answer we want.
As we grow older, we grow to become different people. Similarities we found with others when we were younger, may no longer be apparent, obvious, or even there at all. At what point, however, do you stop comparing those differences and looking for those (once) similarities, in order for those relationships to sustain?
One thing for certain, is you will never stop caring for those you always have cared about, and those who have always cared about you. One does not need to have experienced the same experiences you have to be able to be there for you, but at least one out of 2 similarities needs to exist in order for a close friendship to sustain itself: the external or the internal. External interests will lead to shared physical experiences, whereas Internal interests will lead to deeper mental understanding.
As children, mental capacities still at their developmental phase, external similarities are what we seek after. As adults, those external interests merely become a cover, and more depth is required in the connection between two people. Unfortunately some adults never care to go beyond this need. They don't feel the need to learn more about themselves by avoiding looking inwards.
As an adult I have come to recognise what it is I search for in a friendship. I don't seek for answers to my questions. At least not someone else's, but rather more questions that will lead me to my own solution. You can only resolve your feelings and unsettled thoughts by coming up with your own resolution, thus you will believe in them truly.
So ask me those tough questions. I am ready to find my answers.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
10 Steps to Success
During a women's power within seminar I attended, amongst all 7 inspirational women speakers, was the first US Surgeon General who relayed a powerful ending message in what she identified as the 10 key steps to success:
1. Always under promise, but over deliver. Blow people's minds by achieving beyond expectations.
2. Learn to say "I don't know". The best knowledge one could have, is knowing what you don't know.
3. When coming up to a wall, find a way to go around it. Don't let a wall stop you from achieving your goal. Be creative. There is never just one way of getting to the objective.
4. When at the top, don't forget your family, your friends, your community. Those who take eat better, but those who give, sleep better. "You make a living by taking, and a life by giving".
5. Don't be afraid to take risks. Know which risks to take, and don't take big risks when at a vulnerable moment or state of mind.
6. Do not use someone else's vision. Believe in what you think is important, and you will succeed.
7. Take care of yourself. Remember you don't have to get it right all the time.
8. Don't apologize for your feelings. You have a choice in all your decisions, and your feelings are a result of a conscious decision your mind creates.
9. Never lose sense of you who really are. If you have to tell people you are talented or great, then you are not. Document your skills and accomplishments - utilize your skills, and be proud of your accomplishments - don't forget them in everything you do. Use your skills to help others. You will not have lived a full life until you have given to someone who can never repay you.
10. Dream of greatness: have integrity of self, be factual in communicating, don't let disappointment get you down and don't take things personally; be honorable in defeat and let people know how much you appreciate them.
1. Always under promise, but over deliver. Blow people's minds by achieving beyond expectations.
2. Learn to say "I don't know". The best knowledge one could have, is knowing what you don't know.
3. When coming up to a wall, find a way to go around it. Don't let a wall stop you from achieving your goal. Be creative. There is never just one way of getting to the objective.
4. When at the top, don't forget your family, your friends, your community. Those who take eat better, but those who give, sleep better. "You make a living by taking, and a life by giving".
5. Don't be afraid to take risks. Know which risks to take, and don't take big risks when at a vulnerable moment or state of mind.
6. Do not use someone else's vision. Believe in what you think is important, and you will succeed.
7. Take care of yourself. Remember you don't have to get it right all the time.
8. Don't apologize for your feelings. You have a choice in all your decisions, and your feelings are a result of a conscious decision your mind creates.
9. Never lose sense of you who really are. If you have to tell people you are talented or great, then you are not. Document your skills and accomplishments - utilize your skills, and be proud of your accomplishments - don't forget them in everything you do. Use your skills to help others. You will not have lived a full life until you have given to someone who can never repay you.
10. Dream of greatness: have integrity of self, be factual in communicating, don't let disappointment get you down and don't take things personally; be honorable in defeat and let people know how much you appreciate them.
A Journey to the Finish Line
There are 2 types of people in this world: one who sees their life as a set of stages, for which there is a finish line towards which you work. Once you complete one, you move on to the next. The second type is one who goes through life and treats it as a journey; one who enjoys and lives the moment, instead of looking for the "what's next".
It is difficult, especially as a young woman, to not be swayed by society norms to do what is expected of you, or rather, what is considered "normal". You get educated, meet someone who fulfills your long list of criteria that would make the perfect husband, in between, during, or before which time you may do some travelling, get married, have children, and so forth. Each stage is clearly marked - some given an expiry date; each stage, when completed, receives a check mark on the list. The big question is, are those things really what we all want, or are they all things that our parents, friends, or culture surround our lives with, so that we really do believe those are the things that we truly want for ourselves. For some, they really are.
What if there is no finish line?
What if you live your life as it goes, and perhaps those different stages are the same, though possibly out of order, however, there is no shelf life to each stage; no deadline, no clock ticking, no expectation? Does that make your life unfulfilled? Are you then not doing the right thing? Have you chosen a lifestyle that is not easily-approved?
A friend advised me once that I simply cannot continue working long hours, because that lessened the amount of time I would have otherwise in meeting someone. Lonely as I do feel at times I need someone, I would never make that an objective of my current "stage". The utmost importance to this life is creating and achieving balance, and that said loneliness is simply part of a journey for which I need to make room and from which I must learn. That journey itself, to me, is the finish line.
I only need to remind myself that this does not make one a failure. Believe in what you think is important, and intrinsic success and happiness will come. It is more important than what others may consider is the definition of being successful at life. Remember that one's finish line is not necessarily another's, and even if so, definitely never at the exact same time.
It is difficult, especially as a young woman, to not be swayed by society norms to do what is expected of you, or rather, what is considered "normal". You get educated, meet someone who fulfills your long list of criteria that would make the perfect husband, in between, during, or before which time you may do some travelling, get married, have children, and so forth. Each stage is clearly marked - some given an expiry date; each stage, when completed, receives a check mark on the list. The big question is, are those things really what we all want, or are they all things that our parents, friends, or culture surround our lives with, so that we really do believe those are the things that we truly want for ourselves. For some, they really are.
What if there is no finish line?
What if you live your life as it goes, and perhaps those different stages are the same, though possibly out of order, however, there is no shelf life to each stage; no deadline, no clock ticking, no expectation? Does that make your life unfulfilled? Are you then not doing the right thing? Have you chosen a lifestyle that is not easily-approved?
A friend advised me once that I simply cannot continue working long hours, because that lessened the amount of time I would have otherwise in meeting someone. Lonely as I do feel at times I need someone, I would never make that an objective of my current "stage". The utmost importance to this life is creating and achieving balance, and that said loneliness is simply part of a journey for which I need to make room and from which I must learn. That journey itself, to me, is the finish line.
I only need to remind myself that this does not make one a failure. Believe in what you think is important, and intrinsic success and happiness will come. It is more important than what others may consider is the definition of being successful at life. Remember that one's finish line is not necessarily another's, and even if so, definitely never at the exact same time.
Monday, November 5, 2007
Towers in the sky with patterns
2 days of my first visit to Chicago. Luck should have it that I did not have to experience the city living up to its nickname. The warm sun and beauty of the city's fascinating architecture made me forget about the brisk temperature as I spent my days on foot, without proper shoes and all.
I got into the city terribly early from Philadelphia, having taken a 6AM flight (and 2-hour sleep), I was so grateful to learn that my room was actually ready when i checked in at nearly 8AM (it was even better when I learned that I had got upgraded - not that it mattered, since the hotel itself is quite amazing - yes, i treated myself to stay at the W). So I got to rest my sleepy eyes and take an hour or two nap before trying to orient myself with the city map and figure out how to condense as much as I can in the next 1.5 days. I had pre-bought a ticket for the chicago river architectural tour, the one thing I had planned for my excursion (thanks to my planner friend Katie who suggested that I did - I had imagined it like the scene from the movie 'My Best Friend's Wedding'). This tour was so popular, they were completely sold out for the following 2 weeks when I showed up for mine! Although it was a beautiful day, the thought of having to sit outdoor on a boat for 1.5hours got me to prepare myself with absolutely every winter gear one should have when expecting 2ft of snow (sans the galoshes). The boat tour was not like the movie (No Dermot look-alike was present for me to dance with and hum 'The Way you look tonight'), however it was more educational than I had expected. The history of the city - the stories behind each building and its architects, owner, and origin - was rich with fascinating facts. My favourite part was the juxtaposition of the old and the new buildings, as well as old buildings that have been turned into something of new. Of course, there was also the new Trump building, the 2nd tallest building in the city when it completes next year (after the Sears tower) and the tallest residential building in Chicago (that man really does have serious issues).
I then did the magnificent mile...Neimanns, H&M, Barneys, oh my. It took me the entire afternoon to wander around Michigan Ave and State Avenue. Aside from the great shops, the city also boasts great restaurants and theatre scene, neither of which, unfortunately, I was able to take advantage during this trip (for some reason the thought of going out to a great restaurant and/or bar or watching a show by myself here depressed me, though I never did have a problem with it elsewhere). My feet ached from wandering around for about 6 hours on my first day. I rested my feet for about half an hour at the Frank Gehry amphitheatre in millenium park watching a sound show. His original work blends in so well with all the great art and architecture of the city...the theatre is actually quite the highlight of sight and sound.
The second day started off with a visit to the Art Institute of Chicago, seeing the 8th out of 14 of Monet's water lilies/Japanese bridge pond painting, Seurat's amazing A Sunday on La Grande Jatte, Caillebottle's lifesize Paris Street, Rainy Day, and of course the American Gothic painting. The Navy Pier was next on the list, followed by the Newberry Library, Grant Park, and a late lunch on a patio. I had planned on taking the brown line to loop the city from above ground, but had run out of time. In a hurry I hopped on my cab, and off I went to go back leaving the great skies behind.
There was so much more to see in this windy city, yet not enough time. This is definitely a city I will go back to, though hopefully I will take an accomplice with me next time.
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Music and Lyrics
I watched a movie today, not the best of the typical Hugh Grant's bumbling-Britishman romantic comedies, but there was something Drew said that was quite insightful...
The gist of it is, Drew, a failed-writer accidentally becoming a songwriter, contradicts Hugh, a failed 80's has-been musician. She believes that music is like the first impression, the physical, the attraction, connection...the sex...whereas Lyrics are like what is underneath that person...the story about them, their character, the history.
"When put together, that's when it is magic."
I have to agree with Drew.
When listening to music, one must pay attention to the lyrics. Otherwise, it is just noise...a facade of the real person. One will never get to know what is really underneath. To listen to the lyrics, really listen, and understand them, while enjoying the music...That is how one would ever get to know another...listen to their words, while the melody serves as the accompaniment in the background. Both are equally important, but only when you are willing to see them as one, that they are powerful.
The gist of it is, Drew, a failed-writer accidentally becoming a songwriter, contradicts Hugh, a failed 80's has-been musician. She believes that music is like the first impression, the physical, the attraction, connection...the sex...whereas Lyrics are like what is underneath that person...the story about them, their character, the history.
"When put together, that's when it is magic."
I have to agree with Drew.
When listening to music, one must pay attention to the lyrics. Otherwise, it is just noise...a facade of the real person. One will never get to know what is really underneath. To listen to the lyrics, really listen, and understand them, while enjoying the music...That is how one would ever get to know another...listen to their words, while the melody serves as the accompaniment in the background. Both are equally important, but only when you are willing to see them as one, that they are powerful.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Out of the element
A little piece of tropical heaven.
I spent the past 2 weeks in Maui and Hawaii. It was Tyler and my first vacation together, at the end of which was probably either going to define further where we are to be with our relationship: Do not go beyond this point, or Love in all its serious glory.
We mixed both our interests in the planning: camping for the first week in Maui, private condo rental for the second in Hawaii (big island). I am not a big fan of roughing it, so to speak, however, can and have survived my annual girls camping trips in the past. I really liked this guy, and for the first time, really didn't mind the idea at all. I was more looking forward towards spending time together and getting to know each other even better. After all, we had only seen each other 4 other times prior to this, albeit the last time was for a whole week straight. Such is the routine of a long distance dating life.
What neither of us expected, however, is what happens when we are taken out of our preferences, and forced to adjust to a situation and having another person to spend it with.
When taken out of our daily routine, how well do we adjust to our own juxtaposed to another's?
We found out the hard way that having to find things to do from 8 in the morning until 10 at night every day for a week took too much toll out of both of us. The story goes like this: We got up, left the campsite, determined which area of the island we wanted to get breakfast, then visit and any activity we would want to do there. This sounded fine in theory, except when thrown into it, it was a bit of a nightmare. I love to spend my morning vacations and weekends by starting slow, even though I am a morning person and start my day early regardless where I am. I sit and read, and relax. Of course this would not be the case for a type of vacation where you would need to sightsee everyday, such as a European tour vacation where you are there only for a few days in each city. Tyler is a big hyperactive kid. He constantly needs things to do, and does not like to just sit on a beach for hours and read. Firstly, he is very careful about the sun, definitely the wiser of the both of us. Secondly, he gets bored and easily distracted. This did not make a good combination to start the vacation. Taken out of my element, I was not as attentive and aware of things as I normally would have been. I didn't pay attention as well, as I wasn't giving myself the attention I usually would give myself first. I was afraid if I didn't spend time to do things he enjoyed, he would be upset, yet I was also slowly becoming my stubborn-side, unhappy doing things that were not necessarily my choice.
Funny thing was, I didn't know whether I was being selfish, or too accommodating. When you have to start showing your true self, and not just do things you don't want to do for the sake of another's, there is a fine line where you actually want to try new things and confusing that want with the fear of losing someone's attention.
In the end of it all, our second week more than made up for the first. I got up early in the morning and let Ty sleep. I went for a run, a dip in the pool, then read on our patio overlooking the golf course before he got up to make us breakfast so that we could start our day of just sightseeing, swimming, relaxing, with no pressure, as we had a home to come home to at anytime of the day.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Quiet Thoughts
I stand here
awaiting,
listening, feeling
I smile,
when I see yours, my sweet
My sweet,
can you hear mine beat against yours?
Scared am I, the possibilities
Truth be told,
something of sorts
What is it, I ask
You cannot answer
It is something only together,
we would one day discover
Be there will I be, through struggles and laughter
As long as again we will be
dancing under the streetlights
Talk to me, show me
What it is you are afraid of
I hear, right here
I echo your quiet thoughts
I reach out
touching,
thinking, embracing
What is mine, if not yours,
I ask you to hold
awaiting,
listening, feeling
I smile,
when I see yours, my sweet
My sweet,
can you hear mine beat against yours?
Scared am I, the possibilities
Truth be told,
something of sorts
What is it, I ask
You cannot answer
It is something only together,
we would one day discover
Be there will I be, through struggles and laughter
As long as again we will be
dancing under the streetlights
Talk to me, show me
What it is you are afraid of
I hear, right here
I echo your quiet thoughts
I reach out
touching,
thinking, embracing
What is mine, if not yours,
I ask you to hold
Sunday, April 8, 2007
When all is settled and down
I had had the pleasure of going to 9 different weddings last year. Yes, you read correctly.
2 decades-old friends; 1 destination on white sands; 1 that made everyone cry; 1 of old family friends where I tried to avoid all my parents' friends' inquiries on "when is your turn?"; 1 classic one that went until 7am; 1 we had been waiting for 8 years; 1 in a beautiful park overlooking the city; 1 colleague where I didn't really know anyone.
Aside from weddings, showers, and the all-fun hen parties, all these weddings signified something more than just a row of gifts and wedding cakes. Or one too many champagne.
I knew then as I know now, that the storks will be flying by anytime now.
Sure enough, recently I received news of 2 friends who are expecting. A few more are trying. All this baby talk is making me dizzy. Spinning conversations on love, relationships, and life. R and A had it planned. It happened a little earlier than expected, but such is life. They are both excited at the prospect of the upcoming bundle of joy, and so am I for them. B broke the news to me last night. Of all my male friends, he is definitely the last I would ever expect to have one. It was an accident. They are going to try and make it work.
I'm not in love with you, he had told her. That was what he could utter right before he made the decision to move in with her.
She needs me to be there for her, at least for a while. He is nuts, I thought.
How can you want to be with someone you don't love? Then again, this works for some people.
At first I was flabbergasted at the idea that it happened to the one guy who seemed the least responsible and settled-down as the rest of the lot. What do you expect out of a twenty-something guy, still completing his graduate studies, working full time, with many aspirations and possibilities? I was disappointed for him.
Then I understood. Things happen for a reason. This is going to teach him something; he will be a great father; his life will be turned upside down. He will have to grow up. I was proud of him and excited about the prospect of whom he will become.
It hit me that I am still a novice at this Blahblahblah called relationship and love; how different each one is for everyone; what they mean individually and collectively. I yearn to understand.
My head is spinning upon the realization that although I would want something more for myself, you cannot plan everything in your future. Baby talks aside, I am instantly reminded of something my favourite TV character once said:
Some people are settling, some are settling down, but some of us simply refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies
I may not know what my future holds. But this, I know for certain.
2 decades-old friends; 1 destination on white sands; 1 that made everyone cry; 1 of old family friends where I tried to avoid all my parents' friends' inquiries on "when is your turn?"; 1 classic one that went until 7am; 1 we had been waiting for 8 years; 1 in a beautiful park overlooking the city; 1 colleague where I didn't really know anyone.
Aside from weddings, showers, and the all-fun hen parties, all these weddings signified something more than just a row of gifts and wedding cakes. Or one too many champagne.
I knew then as I know now, that the storks will be flying by anytime now.
Sure enough, recently I received news of 2 friends who are expecting. A few more are trying. All this baby talk is making me dizzy. Spinning conversations on love, relationships, and life. R and A had it planned. It happened a little earlier than expected, but such is life. They are both excited at the prospect of the upcoming bundle of joy, and so am I for them. B broke the news to me last night. Of all my male friends, he is definitely the last I would ever expect to have one. It was an accident. They are going to try and make it work.
I'm not in love with you, he had told her. That was what he could utter right before he made the decision to move in with her.
She needs me to be there for her, at least for a while. He is nuts, I thought.
How can you want to be with someone you don't love? Then again, this works for some people.
At first I was flabbergasted at the idea that it happened to the one guy who seemed the least responsible and settled-down as the rest of the lot. What do you expect out of a twenty-something guy, still completing his graduate studies, working full time, with many aspirations and possibilities? I was disappointed for him.
Then I understood. Things happen for a reason. This is going to teach him something; he will be a great father; his life will be turned upside down. He will have to grow up. I was proud of him and excited about the prospect of whom he will become.
It hit me that I am still a novice at this Blahblahblah called relationship and love; how different each one is for everyone; what they mean individually and collectively. I yearn to understand.
My head is spinning upon the realization that although I would want something more for myself, you cannot plan everything in your future. Baby talks aside, I am instantly reminded of something my favourite TV character once said:
Some people are settling, some are settling down, but some of us simply refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies
I may not know what my future holds. But this, I know for certain.
Saturday, April 7, 2007
A Student of Sorts
When do I feel whole? When do I experience bliss in its true, timeless definition?
Always when I define answers with questions, when I share myself with others, and the harmony of the elements: the magnificent rising of the sun, the quiet sound of falling snowflakes, the reverberating beat of crashing waves, the tranquility of soft breeze brushing against your skin, and the majestic layers of colours of a sunset painting the sky.
My friends would describe me as a thinker and an inquirer. A perpetual learner of sorts, with a propensity to ask - no answer is ever satisfactory, until the questions can stop. You say black, I see the small specks of light coming through. You see white, I ask "where did all the colours go?" You think 'run as fast as you can', I say "slow down!" Why rush through this fleeting moment called life like it is a five-second obstacle to get you to the next best thing?
Five seconds.
The amount of time it takes for your heart to melt at the sight of a puppy dog's eyes. The amount of time it takes for your hand to feel warm inside his. The amount of time it takes for your eyes to adjust in the dark just in time to catch his loving gaze.
I enjoy so much and can't seem to get enough. I am cursed with compassion, affection, and a giving nature. I am blessed with sensitivity, curiosity, and complexity. I have yet to find everlasting peace; a sense of unrestrained and continual-searching for growth, meaningful and uprejudiced understanding, the fill to an insatiable urge for teaching, learning, embracing.
I am a student of life and all that it has to offer: an eternal apprentice of love and its virtues, of people and their relationships within, of myself with all of its imperfections.
I pride myself in being a seeker in an endless pursuit of knowledge.
In what, you ask?
Anything, everything, and sometimes nothing at all, as long as it brings me closer to who I am and completes whom I will become.
And why, you ask?
Because there are no answers, only more questions that can bring you back.
To a simple thing called love.
The joyous cries of delight of a child, the warm touch of a friend's heart, the butterflies in your stomach when you see his face.
I forever stand in awe, in front of life.
Always when I define answers with questions, when I share myself with others, and the harmony of the elements: the magnificent rising of the sun, the quiet sound of falling snowflakes, the reverberating beat of crashing waves, the tranquility of soft breeze brushing against your skin, and the majestic layers of colours of a sunset painting the sky.
My friends would describe me as a thinker and an inquirer. A perpetual learner of sorts, with a propensity to ask - no answer is ever satisfactory, until the questions can stop. You say black, I see the small specks of light coming through. You see white, I ask "where did all the colours go?" You think 'run as fast as you can', I say "slow down!" Why rush through this fleeting moment called life like it is a five-second obstacle to get you to the next best thing?
Five seconds.
The amount of time it takes for your heart to melt at the sight of a puppy dog's eyes. The amount of time it takes for your hand to feel warm inside his. The amount of time it takes for your eyes to adjust in the dark just in time to catch his loving gaze.
I enjoy so much and can't seem to get enough. I am cursed with compassion, affection, and a giving nature. I am blessed with sensitivity, curiosity, and complexity. I have yet to find everlasting peace; a sense of unrestrained and continual-searching for growth, meaningful and uprejudiced understanding, the fill to an insatiable urge for teaching, learning, embracing.
I am a student of life and all that it has to offer: an eternal apprentice of love and its virtues, of people and their relationships within, of myself with all of its imperfections.
I pride myself in being a seeker in an endless pursuit of knowledge.
In what, you ask?
Anything, everything, and sometimes nothing at all, as long as it brings me closer to who I am and completes whom I will become.
And why, you ask?
Because there are no answers, only more questions that can bring you back.
To a simple thing called love.
The joyous cries of delight of a child, the warm touch of a friend's heart, the butterflies in your stomach when you see his face.
I forever stand in awe, in front of life.
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Absence Makes the Heart
I turned the key to my apartment; a task so simple as I had done a million times before, almost robotically, expecting the same thing I see each day I come home from a full day of work. Though never was there ever music playing or human chattering sound greeting my arrival, such is a life of a single gal, today felt it was going to be different somehow.
I asked myself: Did I expect that it would be, or was it truly out of the ordinary?
I placed the keys at their usual place, dropped my bag onto the familiar foyer bench, kicked off my ballet flats carelessly in my usual flair, and reluctantly walked into the living room. Stillness screamed all around me. Not the kind of silence into which I had come to assume everyday, this time its presence was palpable. I felt it not only in my surroundings, in everything I touched, but also within.
He was only here for just over a week, a mere short time in a year-long journey of me on my own to have my routines down almost like second nature. How did he affect them so, shake them up like one of those snowy-globes my parents had, until you couldn't see what was inside but the whites coming down in a blur of giant flakes? And even so, it still put a smile onto your face, and dared you to shake it up all over again just so you could see it one more time. How did I come to anticipate seeing his smile, sensing his warmth, and the safety of his embrace?
I saw it and I felt it as he came and he went.
And so the story goes. It will only repeat itself, surely and steadily, and until then, my impatient heart awaits.
I asked myself: Did I expect that it would be, or was it truly out of the ordinary?
I placed the keys at their usual place, dropped my bag onto the familiar foyer bench, kicked off my ballet flats carelessly in my usual flair, and reluctantly walked into the living room. Stillness screamed all around me. Not the kind of silence into which I had come to assume everyday, this time its presence was palpable. I felt it not only in my surroundings, in everything I touched, but also within.
He was only here for just over a week, a mere short time in a year-long journey of me on my own to have my routines down almost like second nature. How did he affect them so, shake them up like one of those snowy-globes my parents had, until you couldn't see what was inside but the whites coming down in a blur of giant flakes? And even so, it still put a smile onto your face, and dared you to shake it up all over again just so you could see it one more time. How did I come to anticipate seeing his smile, sensing his warmth, and the safety of his embrace?
I saw it and I felt it as he came and he went.
And so the story goes. It will only repeat itself, surely and steadily, and until then, my impatient heart awaits.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
All is Love in Play and War
Asleep she is, peacefully.
Alert she is, of her surrounding.
Insatiable she is, for love
I moved gingerly so not to wake the two bodies lying still on the ground. I smiled quietly as if afraid they would notice. My heard settled in its place, sense of peace washed over me.
What is it about this image, I wondered, that made things seem easier, problems smaller, choices
immaterial, and life...more blissful?
As each day goes by, each simple move serves as a reminder on what is truly important.
Days filled with squirrel-chases, plays with friends, drinks from fresh or not-so-fresh streams, hikes on the North Shore trails, and if I happen to pretend not to notice, a few hours of snoozing on the couch.
Head turned to the side, tail between the hind legs, and body slowly moving to the Timeout corner. She sheepishly looks up at the wagging finger and a word sounding familiar, yet so far: "Bad Girl". I turn a corner and come back. There she is, staring back at me, as if nothing has happened.
Please, pretty please, I love you. Can I now have my dinner and a walk?
Please, pretty please, I adore you. Can we now sit back and relax?
I look into those light eyes, filled with exuberance and lightness of being. I shall forgive, as you have forgot.
The image of two, as one. I accept you, and respect you, as you have mine.
Awake he is, smiling
Attentive he is, of my presence
Lucky I am, in love
Friday, January 19, 2007
New York, New York
Lit up sky in Time Square. Pristine sidewalks on Upper East Side. Trendy boutiques on its Lower side. Chic Cafes in Soho. Barney's on Madison, Bergdorf on 5th, Macy's on 34th. Central Park on their sides. Boutique Lounges in East Village. Tall glass buildings on the Down side. Brownstones in Greenwich Village.
The city that never sleeps.
High-heeled on sidewalks, I braved the city waving my arm to the oncoming blurs of yellow, much like the locals, a la Carrie Bradshaw. There is something to be said, still so European yet very much North American, in this busy lovely city called New York. Everyone dressed to the nines, a complete opposite end of the spectrum compared to its laid-back, surfer-yoga-enthusiast-tofu-eating-hiking-snowboarding westcoast counterpart. I felt out of place, yet at home in this city, having labelled myself as a city girl at heart, regardless where I actually reside and guilty admitance for my penchant for Ugg boots on weekends and rainslicker in my dogwalking moments.
Despite the sudden change in the out-of-normal warm January temperature to frigid east-coast bitter cold that cut through your flesh like an icepick, I walked outside. I put my hood up and survived. Anything that would sustain my endurance in order to not miss out.
If I could just brave the cold, keep my eyes open, stand my 4-inch-heeled feet on the ground, I can take in just a little bit more, and not lose a single fleeting moment in this city that truly does not sleep.
Hotel on Rivington. Koi and Buddakan. MoMA. Chicago on Broadwayl. Dream Lounge. The Royalton. The Guggenheim. Clear Manhattan skyline through leafless Central Park. Lunch with the ladies who lunch at Bergdorf 7th floor Cafe...
When biting the big apple, a bite is never enough, and the night never ends.
Monday, January 8, 2007
In a manner of speaking
In a day where arguably chivalry is assumed to be DOA, women equality is prominent, and proper etiquette is a subject of old adage, how important are good manners in today's age?
At dinner, we talked endlessly, had a lot in common. We laughed at the same time, and the silences were not at all awkward. I excused myself, he got up as I did. When I came back to the table, he stood up as I was seating myself back down.
It was the first time I was ever truly impressed with a simple, old-school gesture and what it meant.
I grew up in a household where you wait your turn to speak, even though speaking your mind was always encouraged; where you let those older than you take their turn before you, even though you should always go for what you want; where you eat with your mouth closed, even though you can converse during meals; be courteous whenever possible, no matter how old or young those around you are. I was taught the simple manners in life that have become second nature and unquestioningly part of a regular life.
So when does a simple conduct become debatably out-of-the-way notable by those around them? Have etiquettes of the past become extinct - words of the past we only see and read about in 19th-century novels or movies?
The way I see it, there are 3 levels of good manners: Level 1 are the timeless, must-have simple etiquette such as the ones I learned from my parents; Level 2 is the nice-to-have gesture most of us might need a bit of reminding from time to time; and Level 3 which is the bonus-if-you-ever-experience-it sort, because of their out-of-the-way-nice nature such as my dinner date anecdote.
Level 1 is a given. I wonder about those who do not practice them on a regular basis. Who actually still responds with "huh?" instead of "pardon?"; forgets to say "please" and "thank you"; does not introduce people around them to each other, or worse yet, excludes a person out of a conversation?
Level 2 can be tricky. We sometimes need to remember to offer our seats to the ladies, the elderly; open doors for women, or even hold the door open for the person right behind you regardless of their sex; to say 'yes' instead of 'yeah'; and in the age of mobile phones where shared land-lines are almost non-existent, to ask politely "May I speak to..." for the person with whom you are wanting to speak.
Level 3, on the other hand, is a way to memorably get attention. This category mostly falls under the chivalry section, and arguably dead because women, wanting to be treated equal to men, do not 'need' to be treated any differently. Do we need to order first at a restaurant? be let out of an elevator before a man? have our tabs taken care of all the time? or, as my date Matt was taught at a young age by his father, to stand up for a woman whenever she leaves or approaches the space where you happen to be?
I do not need the people around me to know that you pass the salt and pepper as a pair (and to your right), or to place the napkin on their laps immediately upon being seated at a dinner table, but can appreciate being addressed first by a server at a restaurant. I like to pay for the bill every now and then, but won't get offended if a man asks me to wait and offers to get the car while I wait inside. I do not have to have my chair pulled out for me before I sit down, but would love it if one introduces another with more than just a name.
I don't need to be reminded of how much time has changed, but I can certainly recognise the value of good manners of any kind.
At dinner, we talked endlessly, had a lot in common. We laughed at the same time, and the silences were not at all awkward. I excused myself, he got up as I did. When I came back to the table, he stood up as I was seating myself back down.
It was the first time I was ever truly impressed with a simple, old-school gesture and what it meant.
I grew up in a household where you wait your turn to speak, even though speaking your mind was always encouraged; where you let those older than you take their turn before you, even though you should always go for what you want; where you eat with your mouth closed, even though you can converse during meals; be courteous whenever possible, no matter how old or young those around you are. I was taught the simple manners in life that have become second nature and unquestioningly part of a regular life.
So when does a simple conduct become debatably out-of-the-way notable by those around them? Have etiquettes of the past become extinct - words of the past we only see and read about in 19th-century novels or movies?
The way I see it, there are 3 levels of good manners: Level 1 are the timeless, must-have simple etiquette such as the ones I learned from my parents; Level 2 is the nice-to-have gesture most of us might need a bit of reminding from time to time; and Level 3 which is the bonus-if-you-ever-experience-it sort, because of their out-of-the-way-nice nature such as my dinner date anecdote.
Level 1 is a given. I wonder about those who do not practice them on a regular basis. Who actually still responds with "huh?" instead of "pardon?"; forgets to say "please" and "thank you"; does not introduce people around them to each other, or worse yet, excludes a person out of a conversation?
Level 2 can be tricky. We sometimes need to remember to offer our seats to the ladies, the elderly; open doors for women, or even hold the door open for the person right behind you regardless of their sex; to say 'yes' instead of 'yeah'; and in the age of mobile phones where shared land-lines are almost non-existent, to ask politely "May I speak to..." for the person with whom you are wanting to speak.
Level 3, on the other hand, is a way to memorably get attention. This category mostly falls under the chivalry section, and arguably dead because women, wanting to be treated equal to men, do not 'need' to be treated any differently. Do we need to order first at a restaurant? be let out of an elevator before a man? have our tabs taken care of all the time? or, as my date Matt was taught at a young age by his father, to stand up for a woman whenever she leaves or approaches the space where you happen to be?
I do not need the people around me to know that you pass the salt and pepper as a pair (and to your right), or to place the napkin on their laps immediately upon being seated at a dinner table, but can appreciate being addressed first by a server at a restaurant. I like to pay for the bill every now and then, but won't get offended if a man asks me to wait and offers to get the car while I wait inside. I do not have to have my chair pulled out for me before I sit down, but would love it if one introduces another with more than just a name.
I don't need to be reminded of how much time has changed, but I can certainly recognise the value of good manners of any kind.
Monday, January 1, 2007
A Successful Year
It's a new year: a new beginning to some, new resolutions to others.
How do we reflect on the past year and look at our accomplishments and failures, and therefore define whether or not we have had a successful year?
What are the points on which we measure such an answer? The resolutions we kept in which we succeeded; the goals we had set, accomplished, and even possibly surpassed; where we are in our personal or professional lives?
One's happiness in life can be measured by the richness life itself feels, how fulfilled and well-balanced it is. Do we then, in turn, think about the reasons why we feel fulfilled, by listing all our accomplishments and things that made us happy over the past year? Is it at all possible that what gives our lives a sense of richness does not come from reason and intellect and instead from a well-balanced emotional brain defined by the strong connections and full relationship we have made? If so, where and how can we find these within ourselves?
1. Our physical existence: The more connected we are to our physical being, the more fulfilled we would feel about our health, and in turn, our happiness. I feel more connected to my own body after exercising, and feel more aware of my own body's reaction to the world, and further building the connection to the roots of my emotions. However, this area is not solely defined by our exercise regimen (mine definitely could have been better), rather, however which way we go about our days in trying to connect our mind with our body.
2. Intimacy: Our emotional brain is also designed to regulate our emotional relationships. Naturally, love is an effective way of giving us meaning. Anything that involves us in intimate relationships - with our friends, family, or significant other - anchors us firmly in our existence. I love having my hand held, for example. For me, someone who is unafraid of holding onto mine, is telling me to trust them and have them lead the way, or that they trust me as they can feel the connection of the coolness or heat of our emotions transferred through the palm of our hands. It is a sign of the beginning of intimacy. I appreciate someone confiding in me and also feel a sense of emotional connection once I open myself up to another. All those to whom we feel close connect us to life and give it meaning.
Intimacy is often times mistaken for its physical counterpart, and it is not difficult to confuse the two. However, intimacy is about the mental and emotional closeness one feels to another being. And the more we have, the more content we can end up.
3. Community: It is important that we give back to our community. By that, I don't mean volunteering at every soup kitchen in the neighbourhood, or donating money to charities or attending charity functions. It is the feeling that we get from doing something as simple as offering our seats to an elderly on a bus, opening a door for someone whose hands are full, being pleasant to strangers, or anything else selfless with no real reward except for the feeling of being useful and appreciated by another human being. Everyone loves feeling appreciated. Little do we know, the elderly for whom we give up our seat would feel exactly that, and that we add value to this life.
4. Spirituality: It is possible to feel connected to a dimension beyond the body. It doesn't mean we have to have a religion in which we can define our spiritual belief, instead the to be able to feel that we are in the presence of something much greater than all of the physical world. I grew up in a religious upbringing, and had always been made aware that there is something greater out there that is watching over us. However, true spirituality can come into contact with us simply whenever I am face to face with nature, or in certain places that remind me how insignificant we are in the universe. Strangely, it is at the precise moment when we experience how small we are that life itself seems to fill with meaning, and so do we.
I reflected on these 4 points and reviewed my year. I concluded 'twas a good year. But there is always room for improvement this year.
How do we reflect on the past year and look at our accomplishments and failures, and therefore define whether or not we have had a successful year?
What are the points on which we measure such an answer? The resolutions we kept in which we succeeded; the goals we had set, accomplished, and even possibly surpassed; where we are in our personal or professional lives?
One's happiness in life can be measured by the richness life itself feels, how fulfilled and well-balanced it is. Do we then, in turn, think about the reasons why we feel fulfilled, by listing all our accomplishments and things that made us happy over the past year? Is it at all possible that what gives our lives a sense of richness does not come from reason and intellect and instead from a well-balanced emotional brain defined by the strong connections and full relationship we have made? If so, where and how can we find these within ourselves?
1. Our physical existence: The more connected we are to our physical being, the more fulfilled we would feel about our health, and in turn, our happiness. I feel more connected to my own body after exercising, and feel more aware of my own body's reaction to the world, and further building the connection to the roots of my emotions. However, this area is not solely defined by our exercise regimen (mine definitely could have been better), rather, however which way we go about our days in trying to connect our mind with our body.
2. Intimacy: Our emotional brain is also designed to regulate our emotional relationships. Naturally, love is an effective way of giving us meaning. Anything that involves us in intimate relationships - with our friends, family, or significant other - anchors us firmly in our existence. I love having my hand held, for example. For me, someone who is unafraid of holding onto mine, is telling me to trust them and have them lead the way, or that they trust me as they can feel the connection of the coolness or heat of our emotions transferred through the palm of our hands. It is a sign of the beginning of intimacy. I appreciate someone confiding in me and also feel a sense of emotional connection once I open myself up to another. All those to whom we feel close connect us to life and give it meaning.
Intimacy is often times mistaken for its physical counterpart, and it is not difficult to confuse the two. However, intimacy is about the mental and emotional closeness one feels to another being. And the more we have, the more content we can end up.
3. Community: It is important that we give back to our community. By that, I don't mean volunteering at every soup kitchen in the neighbourhood, or donating money to charities or attending charity functions. It is the feeling that we get from doing something as simple as offering our seats to an elderly on a bus, opening a door for someone whose hands are full, being pleasant to strangers, or anything else selfless with no real reward except for the feeling of being useful and appreciated by another human being. Everyone loves feeling appreciated. Little do we know, the elderly for whom we give up our seat would feel exactly that, and that we add value to this life.
4. Spirituality: It is possible to feel connected to a dimension beyond the body. It doesn't mean we have to have a religion in which we can define our spiritual belief, instead the to be able to feel that we are in the presence of something much greater than all of the physical world. I grew up in a religious upbringing, and had always been made aware that there is something greater out there that is watching over us. However, true spirituality can come into contact with us simply whenever I am face to face with nature, or in certain places that remind me how insignificant we are in the universe. Strangely, it is at the precise moment when we experience how small we are that life itself seems to fill with meaning, and so do we.
I reflected on these 4 points and reviewed my year. I concluded 'twas a good year. But there is always room for improvement this year.
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