A Knight

With the roles of women emancipation, equalization of women's place in the world, and the proof that we can, in fact, do just about anything a man can do and that we do not need them to save us from ourselves, have we really left behind traditions of chivalry; purposely ignoring, avoiding, or simply not admitting that we still long for them?

I would like to think that I am an independent, strong, young woman of sorts; the perfect byproduct of assimilated cultures and traditions - a blend of future and past. In a lot of ways, that, I am.

And then I met him.

I wanted to fast-forward; skip all the formalities of courting and dating and the bullshit of playing games. I wanted to be right inside his head, to know him beyond the surface, to have the right to his heart.

Unexpectedly, unknowingly and embarassingly, for a while there, I had discovered that a part of me was still the girl, like all girls, who wishfully thought that she could be that girl, whom "...maybe to drop everything for..." to someone one day after all.

Perhaps we grew up in an unrealistic, and 'smoothed-over' culture, where it was ingrained in our beings that there should be a knight in shining armour, ready to slay any dragons in the way, even if he was in the middle of a really great poker game with the boys and coming ahead with a million dollars. Luckily, as I've gotten older, perhaps more experienced or taken the 'real life' serum, I have only learned that we shouldn't expect that, instead to only think of it as a cherry on top: you don't need it, you don't have to like it, and especially, to even eat it up at all!

He might not be a knight after all, and he won't be riding a black stallion; it is a second-hand bicycle instead. However, that wishful thinking will always be in the back of our minds; any girl who doesn't admit that is lying. (That, and a guy we would want to fuck all hours of the day).

All of a sudden, I found myself losing. Out of fear of screwing things up, intensity and fear combined, things were slipping. We found ourselves setting boundaries on something that did not yet exist. There was too much pressure. We nearly destroyed a wonderful possibility; and perhaps we have. I realized that was all it was - and is - in its infancy stage: a possibility; nothing more and nothing less.

I have no right.

Therefore, all that said, I am not one predisposed to do anything that doesn't feel natural for both parties involved. And I would only expect the same from the other person. Things will naturally fall into place where they belong, right or wrong, and to be uncovered as such.

And so I leave this to rest - no skipping to the greatest part.