The Lens

Ever feel in a situation when someone or something triggers you, that gives you all these different heart-crushing feelings? It's not the time to act, it's time to explore internally. There is some root of yours not being met. Something your heart is seeking which it's sure it needs. And the pain of it has a grip around your whole being.

Those experiences are telling if we allow them to be. When you're in that much pain, you've hit something deep, some kind of "original wound". Nothing external would solve this kind of pain, although we are usually convinced otherwise - if only I could get this person to understand my point of view, I'd feel better; If only I'd get an apology, the heartache would subside.

The only possibility for peace lies within you in these instances. You're going to have to figure out what this pain is about. Figure out why your heart feels it needs whatever it's seeking: approval, affirmation, recognition, realization, reassurance that you're lovable. You have to give those things to yourself. When you put the key to your peace and happiness somewhere outside yourself, you make yourself powerless.

And a reality of life is that we'll all be misunderstood and rejected at times. Sometimes a person is going to look at you through their own particular lens, and that lens may truly throw off the picture. Or maybe they're seeing you perfectly clearly. Trying to wipe off someone else's lens is a waste of your time and energy, and it's not your job, it's theirs. Maybe for them the lens is perfect. Or it's as clear as it's going to get for now. It doesn't matter because they don't have to live in your head; you do. As long as you're doing everything you can to wipe off your own lenses, to see things as they are, and you know you're coming from a place of love, you won't have any trouble facing that mirror. When you heal yourself, you'll find you can let go of the story - the original story, and the current one that caused you to revisit some very old stuff. Holding on to the stories will beat you down and use up a ton of your energy. Dropping the stories frees you and opens you to the possibility of now. And now has limitless potential. Now could be full of love. The work of healing those very deep woulds is exhausting.

Falling into Soul

If you want to be at peace, you are going to have to do the work of healing yourself. If you choose not to do that, and it is a choice, then you will live a life of confusion, pain, and darkness. And there's just no good reason for that. Life can be so achingly beautiful, even when it's painful, like it is today.

It can feel so overwhelming, we run from it for as long as we do. It's like anything else that is unknown. We let fear of the unknown take over and decide we'd better stay where we are. Or worse yet, we let fear get in the way of what we think we know from our past experiences that were negative, even if they are completely screwed up. Because it is familiar. We may not know it is familiar, but we all revert back to what we know.

Really, we should be running towards that rabbit hole. Diving in head first, with our mind quiet and our heart open - let me know myself. Let me sit in front of the mirror of my soul and download the information that I already know. That I've somehow forgot, covered over, or run from.

Some people get stuck playing with the Queen for years. They look long enough to identify their stuff, but that's as far as they want to go. So they can tell you why they are the way they are, but they don't make the moves necessary to do anything about it. Healing requires action. Identifying the source of your pain is a start, but it is not the place to quit. Justifying an unhappy present as the result of a disappointing past is not going to get us anywhere.

We love to be the victims, the heroes, or the martyrs. We love our stories and our rationalizations and our coping mechanisms, whether we realize it or not. Those are not the moves that bring peace and understanding. Get real. In a compassionate way, look honestly at our stuff, deal with anything that isn't serving us. Look for the pattern and find the source. Commit to feeding thoughts, words and actions that are going to lead to joy, love, and growth. Start starving everything else. Give up the coping mechanisms that keep us numb - running away, avoiding, attacking. Put the crutches down, start digging into the hole.

Before Alice got to Wonderland, she had to fall pretty hard down a deep hole.