Recent events in my life have led me to evaluate the people by whom I am surrounded. I have many great people whose lives I have shared in one way or another, by one circumstance to another, having met by chance, through another, work or school, or simply just. These are friendships we hold dear to our hearts, near or far, people we know who have always been there and always will. And hardship is the true test of the relationship - so can it stand through it all?
Whatever is the answer, what we seek for when we do for that solace, may not receive the same answer from each person. We need to look deep into ourselves to fully realise what type of answer we want.
As we grow older, we grow to become different people. Similarities we found with others when we were younger, may no longer be apparent, obvious, or even there at all. At what point, however, do you stop comparing those differences and looking for those (once) similarities, in order for those relationships to sustain?
One thing for certain, is you will never stop caring for those you always have cared about, and those who have always cared about you. One does not need to have experienced the same experiences you have to be able to be there for you, but at least one out of 2 similarities needs to exist in order for a close friendship to sustain itself: the external or the internal. External interests will lead to shared physical experiences, whereas Internal interests will lead to deeper mental understanding.
As children, mental capacities still at their developmental phase, external similarities are what we seek after. As adults, those external interests merely become a cover, and more depth is required in the connection between two people. Unfortunately some adults never care to go beyond this need. They don't feel the need to learn more about themselves by avoiding looking inwards.
As an adult I have come to recognise what it is I search for in a friendship. I don't seek for answers to my questions. At least not someone else's, but rather more questions that will lead me to my own solution. You can only resolve your feelings and unsettled thoughts by coming up with your own resolution, thus you will believe in them truly.
So ask me those tough questions. I am ready to find my answers.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
10 Steps to Success
During a women's power within seminar I attended, amongst all 7 inspirational women speakers, was the first US Surgeon General who relayed a powerful ending message in what she identified as the 10 key steps to success:
1. Always under promise, but over deliver. Blow people's minds by achieving beyond expectations.
2. Learn to say "I don't know". The best knowledge one could have, is knowing what you don't know.
3. When coming up to a wall, find a way to go around it. Don't let a wall stop you from achieving your goal. Be creative. There is never just one way of getting to the objective.
4. When at the top, don't forget your family, your friends, your community. Those who take eat better, but those who give, sleep better. "You make a living by taking, and a life by giving".
5. Don't be afraid to take risks. Know which risks to take, and don't take big risks when at a vulnerable moment or state of mind.
6. Do not use someone else's vision. Believe in what you think is important, and you will succeed.
7. Take care of yourself. Remember you don't have to get it right all the time.
8. Don't apologize for your feelings. You have a choice in all your decisions, and your feelings are a result of a conscious decision your mind creates.
9. Never lose sense of you who really are. If you have to tell people you are talented or great, then you are not. Document your skills and accomplishments - utilize your skills, and be proud of your accomplishments - don't forget them in everything you do. Use your skills to help others. You will not have lived a full life until you have given to someone who can never repay you.
10. Dream of greatness: have integrity of self, be factual in communicating, don't let disappointment get you down and don't take things personally; be honorable in defeat and let people know how much you appreciate them.
1. Always under promise, but over deliver. Blow people's minds by achieving beyond expectations.
2. Learn to say "I don't know". The best knowledge one could have, is knowing what you don't know.
3. When coming up to a wall, find a way to go around it. Don't let a wall stop you from achieving your goal. Be creative. There is never just one way of getting to the objective.
4. When at the top, don't forget your family, your friends, your community. Those who take eat better, but those who give, sleep better. "You make a living by taking, and a life by giving".
5. Don't be afraid to take risks. Know which risks to take, and don't take big risks when at a vulnerable moment or state of mind.
6. Do not use someone else's vision. Believe in what you think is important, and you will succeed.
7. Take care of yourself. Remember you don't have to get it right all the time.
8. Don't apologize for your feelings. You have a choice in all your decisions, and your feelings are a result of a conscious decision your mind creates.
9. Never lose sense of you who really are. If you have to tell people you are talented or great, then you are not. Document your skills and accomplishments - utilize your skills, and be proud of your accomplishments - don't forget them in everything you do. Use your skills to help others. You will not have lived a full life until you have given to someone who can never repay you.
10. Dream of greatness: have integrity of self, be factual in communicating, don't let disappointment get you down and don't take things personally; be honorable in defeat and let people know how much you appreciate them.
A Journey to the Finish Line
There are 2 types of people in this world: one who sees their life as a set of stages, for which there is a finish line towards which you work. Once you complete one, you move on to the next. The second type is one who goes through life and treats it as a journey; one who enjoys and lives the moment, instead of looking for the "what's next".
It is difficult, especially as a young woman, to not be swayed by society norms to do what is expected of you, or rather, what is considered "normal". You get educated, meet someone who fulfills your long list of criteria that would make the perfect husband, in between, during, or before which time you may do some travelling, get married, have children, and so forth. Each stage is clearly marked - some given an expiry date; each stage, when completed, receives a check mark on the list. The big question is, are those things really what we all want, or are they all things that our parents, friends, or culture surround our lives with, so that we really do believe those are the things that we truly want for ourselves. For some, they really are.
What if there is no finish line?
What if you live your life as it goes, and perhaps those different stages are the same, though possibly out of order, however, there is no shelf life to each stage; no deadline, no clock ticking, no expectation? Does that make your life unfulfilled? Are you then not doing the right thing? Have you chosen a lifestyle that is not easily-approved?
A friend advised me once that I simply cannot continue working long hours, because that lessened the amount of time I would have otherwise in meeting someone. Lonely as I do feel at times I need someone, I would never make that an objective of my current "stage". The utmost importance to this life is creating and achieving balance, and that said loneliness is simply part of a journey for which I need to make room and from which I must learn. That journey itself, to me, is the finish line.
I only need to remind myself that this does not make one a failure. Believe in what you think is important, and intrinsic success and happiness will come. It is more important than what others may consider is the definition of being successful at life. Remember that one's finish line is not necessarily another's, and even if so, definitely never at the exact same time.
It is difficult, especially as a young woman, to not be swayed by society norms to do what is expected of you, or rather, what is considered "normal". You get educated, meet someone who fulfills your long list of criteria that would make the perfect husband, in between, during, or before which time you may do some travelling, get married, have children, and so forth. Each stage is clearly marked - some given an expiry date; each stage, when completed, receives a check mark on the list. The big question is, are those things really what we all want, or are they all things that our parents, friends, or culture surround our lives with, so that we really do believe those are the things that we truly want for ourselves. For some, they really are.
What if there is no finish line?
What if you live your life as it goes, and perhaps those different stages are the same, though possibly out of order, however, there is no shelf life to each stage; no deadline, no clock ticking, no expectation? Does that make your life unfulfilled? Are you then not doing the right thing? Have you chosen a lifestyle that is not easily-approved?
A friend advised me once that I simply cannot continue working long hours, because that lessened the amount of time I would have otherwise in meeting someone. Lonely as I do feel at times I need someone, I would never make that an objective of my current "stage". The utmost importance to this life is creating and achieving balance, and that said loneliness is simply part of a journey for which I need to make room and from which I must learn. That journey itself, to me, is the finish line.
I only need to remind myself that this does not make one a failure. Believe in what you think is important, and intrinsic success and happiness will come. It is more important than what others may consider is the definition of being successful at life. Remember that one's finish line is not necessarily another's, and even if so, definitely never at the exact same time.
Monday, November 5, 2007
Towers in the sky with patterns
2 days of my first visit to Chicago. Luck should have it that I did not have to experience the city living up to its nickname. The warm sun and beauty of the city's fascinating architecture made me forget about the brisk temperature as I spent my days on foot, without proper shoes and all.
I got into the city terribly early from Philadelphia, having taken a 6AM flight (and 2-hour sleep), I was so grateful to learn that my room was actually ready when i checked in at nearly 8AM (it was even better when I learned that I had got upgraded - not that it mattered, since the hotel itself is quite amazing - yes, i treated myself to stay at the W). So I got to rest my sleepy eyes and take an hour or two nap before trying to orient myself with the city map and figure out how to condense as much as I can in the next 1.5 days. I had pre-bought a ticket for the chicago river architectural tour, the one thing I had planned for my excursion (thanks to my planner friend Katie who suggested that I did - I had imagined it like the scene from the movie 'My Best Friend's Wedding'). This tour was so popular, they were completely sold out for the following 2 weeks when I showed up for mine! Although it was a beautiful day, the thought of having to sit outdoor on a boat for 1.5hours got me to prepare myself with absolutely every winter gear one should have when expecting 2ft of snow (sans the galoshes). The boat tour was not like the movie (No Dermot look-alike was present for me to dance with and hum 'The Way you look tonight'), however it was more educational than I had expected. The history of the city - the stories behind each building and its architects, owner, and origin - was rich with fascinating facts. My favourite part was the juxtaposition of the old and the new buildings, as well as old buildings that have been turned into something of new. Of course, there was also the new Trump building, the 2nd tallest building in the city when it completes next year (after the Sears tower) and the tallest residential building in Chicago (that man really does have serious issues).
I then did the magnificent mile...Neimanns, H&M, Barneys, oh my. It took me the entire afternoon to wander around Michigan Ave and State Avenue. Aside from the great shops, the city also boasts great restaurants and theatre scene, neither of which, unfortunately, I was able to take advantage during this trip (for some reason the thought of going out to a great restaurant and/or bar or watching a show by myself here depressed me, though I never did have a problem with it elsewhere). My feet ached from wandering around for about 6 hours on my first day. I rested my feet for about half an hour at the Frank Gehry amphitheatre in millenium park watching a sound show. His original work blends in so well with all the great art and architecture of the city...the theatre is actually quite the highlight of sight and sound.
The second day started off with a visit to the Art Institute of Chicago, seeing the 8th out of 14 of Monet's water lilies/Japanese bridge pond painting, Seurat's amazing A Sunday on La Grande Jatte, Caillebottle's lifesize Paris Street, Rainy Day, and of course the American Gothic painting. The Navy Pier was next on the list, followed by the Newberry Library, Grant Park, and a late lunch on a patio. I had planned on taking the brown line to loop the city from above ground, but had run out of time. In a hurry I hopped on my cab, and off I went to go back leaving the great skies behind.
There was so much more to see in this windy city, yet not enough time. This is definitely a city I will go back to, though hopefully I will take an accomplice with me next time.
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