X-Roads

Having been completely self-sufficient and independent from my friends' ever-timely lives as they are expected to be by our smoothed-over culture, it had never occurred to me that my life, for once, would ever be directly impacted, by how their lives have evolved.

With all the excitement of (10) weddings of 2 years past, and (7) babies of 6 months past having come and gone, I am faced with the question: Now what?

It is one thing for your friends to couple up and settle down, and another when their routines are dictated by the wake up cries at daybreak, afternoon naps, and scheduled bedtimes. I have been guilty of getting completely caught up in the thrilling whirlwind of new lives being formed, created, and delivered, that I didn't stop to think about what it would mean to me once the new arrivals are announced.

I have walked along this path and now come to a stop at, what seems to me, an unexpected crossroad. The only thing that bothers me this time around, is not the options themselves, but rather, for the first time, I am concerned about whether I am going to make the right turn.

My personal aspirations have always been uncomplicated: explore as many things as possible in life; absorb them; determine which ones are right or wrong for me - not to repeat the latter, and for the former: aim high for those that inspire, move, and shape a better me. They do not have to be quantitative. They do not even have to be tangible. They don't have to be right in the eyes of others. They just have to feel right for my mind and body.

I have been walking without looking up, only around and forward. I have not planned where my turns are going to be, how it would happen, and especially when. Whenever I make the wrong turn, I simply turn around and choose a different path.

Today, however, is a different day. I wonder if finally I need to figure out a destination each time I start. What that is, I am uncertain. I only know that along the way, if something peaks my interest, I will continue to stop and test it out.