In a manner of speaking

In a day where arguably chivalry is assumed to be DOA, women equality is prominent, and proper etiquette is a subject of old adage, how important are good manners in today's age?

At dinner, we talked endlessly, had a lot in common. We laughed at the same time, and the silences were not at all awkward. I excused myself, he got up as I did. When I came back to the table, he stood up as I was seating myself back down.

It was the first time I was ever truly impressed with a simple, old-school gesture and what it meant.

I grew up in a household where you wait your turn to speak, even though speaking your mind was always encouraged; where you let those older than you take their turn before you, even though you should always go for what you want; where you eat with your mouth closed, even though you can converse during meals; be courteous whenever possible, no matter how old or young those around you are. I was taught the simple manners in life that have become second nature and unquestioningly part of a regular life.

So when does a simple conduct become debatably out-of-the-way notable by those around them? Have etiquettes of the past become extinct - words of the past we only see and read about in 19th-century novels or movies?

The way I see it, there are 3 levels of good manners: Level 1 are the timeless, must-have simple etiquette such as the ones I learned from my parents; Level 2 is the nice-to-have gesture most of us might need a bit of reminding from time to time; and Level 3 which is the bonus-if-you-ever-experience-it sort, because of their out-of-the-way-nice nature such as my dinner date anecdote.

Level 1 is a given. I wonder about those who do not practice them on a regular basis. Who actually still responds with "huh?" instead of "pardon?"; forgets to say "please" and "thank you"; does not introduce people around them to each other, or worse yet, excludes a person out of a conversation?

Level 2 can be tricky. We sometimes need to remember to offer our seats to the ladies, the elderly; open doors for women, or even hold the door open for the person right behind you regardless of their sex; to say 'yes' instead of 'yeah'; and in the age of mobile phones where shared land-lines are almost non-existent, to ask politely "May I speak to..." for the person with whom you are wanting to speak.

Level 3, on the other hand, is a way to memorably get attention. This category mostly falls under the chivalry section, and arguably dead because women, wanting to be treated equal to men, do not 'need' to be treated any differently. Do we need to order first at a restaurant? be let out of an elevator before a man? have our tabs taken care of all the time? or, as my date Matt was taught at a young age by his father, to stand up for a woman whenever she leaves or approaches the space where you happen to be?

I do not need the people around me to know that you pass the salt and pepper as a pair (and to your right), or to place the napkin on their laps immediately upon being seated at a dinner table, but can appreciate being addressed first by a server at a restaurant. I like to pay for the bill every now and then, but won't get offended if a man asks me to wait and offers to get the car while I wait inside. I do not have to have my chair pulled out for me before I sit down, but would love it if one introduces another with more than just a name.

I don't need to be reminded of how much time has changed, but I can certainly recognise the value of good manners of any kind.