Judging by Connection

When it comes to meeting someone new, do you ever think you may know who they are before you get to know them?

I have had the pleasure in meeting a great guy the other night: Cute, smart, creative, articulate, funny, and active. Athletic and Artistic - a combination after which an oxymoron was named in the world dictionary of "The Perfect Guy". After a drink in hand, we figured out we know someone in common. Not much of a surprise considering for Canada's 3rd largest city, Vancouver is very small in its social network. Or so I have learned over the years. Not only you may end up dating someone who knows someone you know, you might actually date someone who has dated someone you know. The latter is more difficult to swallow, especially if you could see the similar patterns once comparing notes (for us women it is tricky not to). I even know someone who actually ended up dating, (initially) unbeknownst to her, a guy with whom she had a little fling 5 years prior!

Are potential mates so recyclable, that it is acceptable to overlook our proclivity to surround ourselves with the same (type) of people, that we end up meeting and re-meeting the same ones over and over again?

The positive side to that notion is we can then associate a person's character (or interests), without having to ask, but simply by knowing with whom they socialize.

Needless to say, in a matter of a few hours, I asked our 'Connection' about my Athletic Artist (a close friend of his happens to be an ex of my Connection - a colleague; the same guy, incidentally, is also currently in liaison with an ex-colleague of ours, of whom we - and I can speak for the entire company - were glad to be rid). My Connection's answer was simple: "I never knew him all that well, but if he is friends with [C], he must be a really nice guy."

There it is. The label by association.

If once I wrote about judging someone by a first impression, is there such a thing as judging someone by a pre-impression?

I could arbitrarily ascertain that Athletic Artist is a write off because he is friends with someone who, regrettably, has chosen to be with a certain person whose character is no less contentious than the reputation which precedes her. Does this make "C" a bad judge of character? If so, then what does that make Athletic Artist?

Surprisingly, I believe my Connection. Not because of what she said, or with whom Athletic Artist is friends, but because I could sense it when we were talking over the loud progressive house beats, a vodka soda in one hand and him: a demure smile, polite gestures, and modest, well-spoken words.

We don't need to know somebody who knows somebody who might have dated somebody we know to learn about someone new. If you pay attention to the little things, we are our best judge of character.