tangled up thoughts, words unsaid

You are in my mind.

in between red lights and meetings,
in between sips of coffee,
in between ringing phones...

And for some uncontrollable reason,
right now,

I want nothing more
than to be irreparably tangled up with you.

ILY.

Power Struggle

a guy i dated once told me that i have a 'power' issue with men (though at the time he had an issue with non-submissive women). in a way he's right (though it applies not just to men), but who likes to be patronized and told what to do all the time?!?...part of my charm and strength is that i stand my ground, know who i am, and stand by my beliefs and values. even though some may call that 'stubbornness'. a rock in a creek is the analogy i prefer.

the funny thing is, i'm the kind of person who would do anything, bend over backwards/forwards, to make other people happy. even by doing things i don't like to do, and loving every bit of it. the key, however, is that i have to do it on my own, want to do it on my own. the moment that i feel like i'm told to do it, or that i "have to" do it, there's a small part of me that just wants to rebel against that. on purpose, just to make a point (is that the 'power' issue?).

it is obvious that came from growing up with strict parents who saw things that concern me as black or white, and that my opinion, if it were different, was the wrong opinion. i find myself being overly objective sometimes, because i want to be the complete opposite of that. i know what it's like to not be heard, and i try to always be the devil's advocate (which drives some friends crazy sometimes), without really "taking sides".

i need to work on letting go; to just do something that someone else wants me to even if i didn't. it doesn't make me a pushover. i just have to remember that when i do, it absolutely cannot be something that compromises my values. because once i do, the varied shades of gray no longer stay in between the black and white, and i truly lose.

I believe

in being open-minded,

and seeing the glass as half-full;

life is too short to dwell on what could've been.

in giving, and

being kind to people - especially techsupport staff and servers -

you can tell a lot about someone by the way they treat the latter;

besides, let's face it, they could easily screw with our food.

in loving unconditionally the people who made you from scratch;

in surrounding yourself with those who inspire you,

and those who can bring you back down when your head gets too high.

that it is important to say nice things,

especially to strangers.

A compliment can make one's day, even if it's just about their hair.

in having a different opinion from another's,

yet still respecting theirs;

in not taking yourself too seriously.

that there is still good in a bad situation,

even if it doesn't show itself for a while.

that it is important to have your heart broken

once in your life; because

you may think life is over without them,

only to find yourself a better person.

in having an ever-evolving soul,

learning from old mistakes,

making new ones, and

continuing to improve who you are everyday.

in thinking that just when the caterpillar thought the world was over,

it became a butterfly.

I know now, that...

...the depth of friendship is not measured by the frequency you see or talk to each other;
what you know or know not about the other,
rather, what you can say whilst knowing
that they will still be yours


...good communication is not about what you say, but how you say it;
that it is not what and how much you know,
but how you teach others of your knowledge.


...the greatest gift life gives us,
is to learn from every misfortune, joyous moment, blessing, and curse;
Daily.


...it isn't about how much you have in common with someone,
for you to be good together;
that it is about having the same values,
even though you may value different things;
yet that you both have to, however,
agree on that.


...life, love and loss,
are the only topics of conversation worth having,
in order for us to really live.


...just because you're never alone, it doesn't mean you can't be lonely; that
you are not really alone when you are surrounded by the things you love;


...it isn't so much about staying still, or
moving forward at certain moments,
but knowing when the right time is to differentiate between the two;


because life is about continual searching,
for moments.

If

A few last words from one of my favourite authors:

"If for an instant God forgot that I am just a puppet, and He gave me one more piece of life, I would take advantage of that time, the best I could.
I would probably not say everything I think, but definitely think all that I say.
I would value things not for what they are worth, but for what they represent.
I would sleep less, and dream more. For every minute we close our eyes, we lose 60 seconds of light.
I would continue where others have stopped and I would rise when others sleep.

If God allowed me one more piece of life, I would dress simpler, wallow in the sunlight, leaving uncovered not only my body, but also my soul.
I would prove to men how wrong they are to think that they stop falling in love as they get older, since they actually start getting older as soon as they stop falling in love.
I would give wings to the children, but I would leave the child alone so that he could learn how to fly on his own.
To the old, I would show them how death comes not with the ageing process but with forgetting.

So many things I have learned from you.

I have learned that everybody wants to live at the top of the mountain, forgetting that how we climb is all that matters.
I have learned that when a newborn grabs his father's thumb, he takes a hold on him forever.
I have learned that a man has the right to look down on somebody, only when he is helping him to get up.

So many things I have learned from all of you.

Always tell what you feel, and do what you think.
If I knew that today it would be the last time that I will see you, I would embrace you strongly to be the guardian of your soul.
If I would know that these would be the last minutes that I would see you, I would say to you "I love you" and wouldn't assume that you would know it.

There is always morning where life gives us another opportunity to make things good.
Keep always close to you your dear ones, and tell them how much you need them and love and take care of them.
Take time to say "I am sorry", "forgive me", "please", "thank you", and all the nice and lovely words you know.
Nobody would remember if you keep your thoughts secret. Force yourself to express them..."

- Gabriel Garcia Marquez

A few things I learned from my dog

When it comes to learning, who says animals can't be just as good of a source? Macy, like others of her kind, has it right all along. When it comes to the most important things in life: keep it simple.

1. Be a good sport. Sometimes you just have to do things you may not want to do that someone else does.
2. Persevere in the face of difficulty. Getting a treat out of that Kong chewtoy can be more mind-boggling than most of our problems.
3. Always give your friends a shoulder to lean on.
4. When in doubt, sleep on it. Take more than 1 night, if you need it.
5. Life is a game of give and take. Remember to give more, and take less.
6. It's okay to be sad sometimes. Even if it's just because someone leaves you home alone for a few hours.
7. Share and share alike.
8. Let your feelings show!
9. If what you want lies buried, dig deeper. Use all your paws.
10. Don't let anyone stare you down.
11. Keep your eye on the ball. Run after it, catch it, and you'll be asking for more.
12. Stand your ground.
13. Be yourself.
14. When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.
15. Keep learning new tricks. It's the only way to grow.
16. Every day is a good day to treat yourself.
17. Always stand up for your owners. Friends. You know what I mean.
18. Question authority.
19. Exude confidence.
20. If you bite off more than you can chew, keep chewing. It will pay off in the end.
21. Patience is usually rewarded.
22. Romp daily.
23. Take time to dream.
24. Keep your eyes on the sun - you won't see the shadows.
25. Laugh. And do it often.
26. Bark softly but carry a big stick.
27. Strive to be beautiful inside.
28. Never underestimate the power of looking cute.
29. Take on new challenges. They keep you sharp.
30. Start every day with a song.
31. Practice mindfulness.
32. Remember that a bark can be bigger than a bite.
33. Don't be afraid to make new friends. Just don't sniff their bums in the process.
34. Rise to every occasion.
35. Pick your battles. Walking away is just as brave, if not more.
36. Try to catch every ball thrown your way. And when you do, do it with grace and humility.
37. If you've got something to say...speak up!!
38. Perfect a firm handshake.
39. Know thyself.
40. Let it all hang out.
41. Take time to sniff every blade of grass. Though maybe not in search of a place to pee.
42. Keep a low profile.
43. Never bite, when a growl will do.

To err is human;
To forgive,
Canine.

The Lazy Form Of

Everyone who loses somebody wants revenge on someone, or God if they can’t find anyone else.

In Africa, the Ku believe the only way to end grief is to save a life. If someone is murdered, a year of mourning is ended by a ritual called “the drowning man trial”. There is an all-night party beside a river. At dawn, the killer is put in a boat and taken out to the water and is dropped by his bound so he can’t swim. The family of the dead then has to make a choice: they can let him drown, or they can swim out and save him. The Ku believe, that if the family lets the killer drown, they’ll have justice, but spend the rest of their lives in mourning. But if they save him, if they admit that life isn’t always just, that very act can take away their sorrow.

Anger is the lazy form of grief.

I believe, that this applies to any type of grief, not only a death of a loved one, although this would be the most extreme, but any type of loss, when we feel that something that is not part of our plan, that we feel is unjust, happens to us.

I observe, that anger is the lazy form of a lot of other emotions: jealousy, insecurity, feeling loss of control, among others.

It is the first and easiest emotion for our heart and head to get to, when we are either trying to mask the real emotion, or simply afraid to look into ourselves and admit it.

Accept it.

We may not ever have to forgive, but if we truly accept that things happen and are the way they are for the best, that is when we can really move on.

Ask the Ku. Their ancestors' old tradition, protected solely by its own ignorance to the modern world, may seem primitive; but the underlying premise of its lessons, is based on nothing but conscious growth, self-awareness and evolution. They are the oldest form of insight into the human psyche, of learning how to live our lives without regrets and negativity.