musical lovestyle

There is always something about musicians that I love...something about watching someone do what they love, and do it passionately....

By chance I was able to attend a couple of Hedley's shows during their cross-country tour; from behind the scenes, front of stage, and after the shows. It mattered not that I was not there as a fan or part of their regular audience...closely watching someone you care about do what they love with such passion while having fun doing it, was an unforgettable experience in itself.

There is something even more about loving a musician...something about being there to witness and understand what it all means: to love the life, the style, the lifestyle.

Thank you, C, for sharing with me and showing me a glimpse of the love of your life.

Power Struggle

a guy i dated once told me that i have a 'power' issue with men (though at the time he had an issue with non-submissive women). in a way he's right (though it applies not just to men), but who likes to be patronized and told what to do all the time?!?...part of my charm and strength is that i stand my ground, know who i am, and stand by my beliefs and values. even though some may call that 'stubbornness'. a rock in a creek is the analogy i prefer.

the funny thing is, i'm the kind of person who would do anything, bend over backwards/forwards, to make other people happy. even by doing things i don't like to do, and loving every bit of it. the key, however, is that i have to do it on my own, want to do it on my own. the moment that i feel like i'm told to do it, or that i "have to" do it, there's a small part of me that just wants to rebel against that. on purpose, just to make a point (is that the 'power' issue?).

it is obvious that came from growing up with strict parents who saw things that concern me as black or white, and that my opinion, if it were different, was the wrong opinion. i find myself being overly objective sometimes, because i want to be the complete opposite of that. i know what it's like to not be heard, and i try to always be the devil's advocate (which drives some friends crazy sometimes), without really "taking sides".

i need to work on letting go; to just do something that someone else wants me to even if i didn't. it doesn't make me a pushover. i just have to remember that when i do, it absolutely cannot be something that compromises my values. because once i do, the varied shades of gray no longer stay in between the black and white, and i truly lose.

25 Random Things About Me

1. My closet and dressers are organized by categories (T-Shirt, Blouse, Dress, Pants, etc.), then by sub-categories (Sleeveless, Shortsleeve, Longsleeve, etc.), then by colour from light to dark. This started when I was a child - ask my sister, I even did hers back then! Though only one of the very few things I'm anal about, this gives away that I am kind of a freak.

2. I can't live without: Books (everything from the embarassing Twilight series to Victorian novels to the newest fiction and non), Music (anything and everything, from Bach's cello concertos and Arvo Part piano pieces; mellow classic jazz and nu-jazz; indietronic and house; to mostly things in the 'Rock' family as in Classic, Folk, New Prog, Post-punk - am currently listening to Patrick Watson, Muse, Sigur Ros, Doves...the list goes on), Movies (just not any stupid Jim Carrey ones), a Camera (to capture those easily-forgotten candid moments in life), and great Food and Wine (to share with friends or with me, myself and I).

A close second would be Love, Friends, and Family - just kidding. Who needs friends?? ;-)

3. I have an incurable dislike towards all insects, reptiles, or mostly anything that is smaller than a dog and not in pretty colours like butterflies (and by 'smaller' I mean anything smaller than Macy - sorry to Chihuahua lovers out there).

4. I can't understand what is so difficult about differentiating among "their, they're, and there", or between "its and it's", "you're, and your", etc. Get it right, people!!

5. I plan big things, but always leave the details to the last minute, in my attempt to balance the organized/flying-by-seat-of-pant persona I try to portray. It drives my 'planner' friends crazy. Time to get me some new friends (just kidding!).

6. When I was little, after I was done playing with my Barbie dolls (all 20+ of them which I shared with my sis), I would put them back into their original boxes. I still have them all somewhere in my parents' storage. Saved for whom, I'm not really sure. But that kid is going to have an insane collection of dolls, complete with all their matching pairs of shoes. (see #1 - I think there might be a connection there)

7. When I was young and was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, my answers varied (but never different) from the following: teacher, interior designer, architect, psychiatrist. Glad to know that I have fulfilled a small aspect of each of them in my real career (respectively: train staff, creative field, numbers, and...managing people).

8. I am fascinated by psychoanalysis. I blame it on my over-active analytical mind.

9. I was caught climbing back into the classroom through a window with a few other girls in grade school, and our principal made us climb in and out of it 100 times, with her standing there counting aloud.

10. I have always wished that I had dimples. On my cheeks. The face, that is.

11. When I was in elementary school, all my report cards consistently had similar comments along the lines of "[I was] a good student, but if only [I weren't] as disruptive to other students in the class". I think the teachers mixed me up with some other kid.

12. I turn on the TV when I'm at home, just so I can have sounds in the background. I'm not sure why I wouldn't just turn on my ipod player instead - I think the human voices talking has something to do with it.

13. My favourite colour, ever since I was a child, is cobalt blue (bright blue). It is the only constant "favourite" thing I've ever had in my life, while everything else changes with time (food, drink, flower, books, shows, movies, etc.).

14. I can twist my tongue in such a weird way, it kind of freaks people out. Ask me to show you (but save the dirty comments).

15. I have an inexplicable preference of orange-coloured jelly-like sweets over all other colours (e.g. ju-jubes, gummy bears, starbursts, sour kids, ...), that I pick them all out first and eat them. I may actually throw out, or if you are lucky, give away all the other colours (unless you also like the orange ones, in which case I will have to arm-wrestle you. ps: I am tougher than I look).

16. If I read a book part-way and don't like it, I skip to the last chapter and read the end to find out whether I want to continue reading it. I have only done it a few times; nevertheless, admittedly I have. So there.

17. I wear my emotions on my sleeves. It is my downfall. But I'd like to think that it is also the cause of my thoughtfulness. Except for those times I am being blunt.

18. I am a good swimmer; but in the ocean, I develop an irrational fear of drowning whenever I am snorkeling more than 50ft away from the shores, except when I'm on a surfboard (but try snorkeling with a surfboard - it's sort of counter-productive).

19. If I could live somewhere outside of Vancouver, my choices would be New York City, San Fransisco, and London. Of course right now, not the last one - given the current global financial state.

20. I hate doing laundry so much, I actually used to buy new underwear whenever I ran out of clean ones. Now I can go on for probably 2 months without doing laundry, and not using a guy's solution to turn them inside out instead (and that's not counting the days I can technically go commando)!

21. I have about 25 different colours of Havaianas flip flops. I would purposely wear a colour that is completely different from my outfit - just so no one actually knows I probably can match it perfectly and thinks that I am a freak. (Do not even attempt to speculate/comment/question)

22. I have recently discovered a newfound relaxation place at a Korean bath house. There is something liberating about walking around being completely in the nude and enjoying the saunas with a bunch of also-nude strangers.

23. Dark hair and Blue eyes are my vice.

24. I have spent nearly a third of my life working for the same company. Sad, but true...I still haven't decided whether that's a good or a bad thing.

25. I have been in several serious relationships, and have been in love once. I mean really in love, in the I-cant-live-without-you-I-wanna-be-a-better-person-because-of-you kind of way. That was when I learned that decisions in life shouldn't always be made with the heart but also with the head; that love is not something that happens to you, but something you do; and that you can, after all, live without someone.

I like it when

I like it when I can hear the rain fall against the roof,
on a quiet night under a warm blanket.

When things that don't make sense
solve themselves with time;
When I see people smile,
laughter overcomes fear, joy overshadows sadness.

I like it when my hand is held;
tightly,
safely,
loosely touched in times of anxiety,
or for no reason at all.

When there is a challenge in thoughts,
opinions, and situations;
simple matters and difficult circumstances.

When someone or something makes me realise
that I might be wrong,
the world may not be fair,
and that perfection is of subjective relevance.

I like it when I fit perfectly in a warm curve,
an overwhelming contentment,
feeling his breath against my hair.

When I am surprised;
continually, unexpectedly so. A sweet surrender,
to giving in.

I like it when things are not always in order;
I fall asleep on the couch, being carried to bed, a glass of water is offered in case I am thirsty.

Things unsaid are resolved,
Things broken are fixed,
Things untouched are blessed.

I like it when
I remember that life is an overzealous adventure:
that one needs to continually seek lessons within it,
to change oneself because of it;

that love is to be sought after, and accepted graciously;
that it is not easily handed over, taken for granted;
that one can never know for certain what creates it, sustains it, or destroys it and when;
that the best thing one can do is to be patient and pass it on.

A better world, a better self

With the earth collapsing from all of its weight of human errors, and humans being the largest contributors to its slow demise, how do we make it better?

Or more importantly: Can we make it better?

An impressionable friend of mine, who applies a new learning or theory every other week, it seems, cancelled his honeymoon to India after having read a book on the overheating of our world. Unnecessary travels consuming jet fuels, emitting vast amounts of ozone-damaging carbon dioxide, amongst others, intrigued his forever-evolving brain. He decided that he and his future wife should try and undertake an environmentally-friendly honeymoon instead. Something that represents better who they are, and helps the little bit that counts towards saving this precious planet on which we live. Off to the Queen Charlotte islands they went - countless hours of ferry rides, biking and walking for 2 solid weeks. And they, are no tree-hugging granolas.

Another environmentalist acquaintance attended a protest on the teardown of a neighbourhood park to build another cookie-cutter Tim Horton's in his hometown. His deep belief and passion for the environment, it seems, is something he is willing to show all the way. Though he feels beaten and discouraged at times ("Inevitably you make more enemies than friends," he once said to me), he is still open to coming up short of his aspirations, as long as he makes his point across somehow, no matter how small a fraction.

In speaking of aspirations: do the great things in life require the most sacrifice?

I have yet to find mine. The most difficult challenge I have for myself, I hate to admit, has been simply making myself a better person. It is a challenge solely because it is a never-ending goal; or so it seems. The more I think I've discovered something, and made progress, the more I find things that can be better. As shitty as they are when romantic relationships end, for instance, they have been my biggest blessings in learned-experiences - how to tackle myself by seeing it through someone else's eyes. My work, my friends' and other people's experiences, my family and its history and therefore my upbringing, are also grand contributors. From those, it seems to me, I can only control to change myself, not other people, by learning about what, who, where, when, why, and how things came about to become as they are; as tomorrow, I can only try to be better than myself today.

Perhaps I'm just too critical of myself. Then I remind myself what someone wise told me once: being in the middle of any journey entailing discovery, evaluation and adaptation, automatically also means that there will always be more questions, more to do, and things you could do better. This, ultimately, applies to whichever cause.

How can we heal the world? Do we attain such a goal by reaching outwards - using our skills, knowledge, and passion all put into it? Or do we simply believe that by fixing the 'we' now based on past learnings, the future will inevitably fix itself? Is the only medicine to change the future to become an active participant?

Above all else, even if there were nothing else left to be admired, I will still admire that. I admire all things that I am not. But in the end, whether you work your way in from the outside, or out from the inside, we are all here only to fulfill the same dream.

I heart

The smell of rain after a thunderstorm,
the sound of snow falling on an empty street at night;

Seeing a smile on a child's face,
listening to the heartbeat when my head is rested on his chest;

The reverberating echoes of empty cobblestone streets in Paris,
having my hand held when crossing one;

Making it up to you, apologies taken,
moving forward, moving still;

The butterflies that never flew away,
only fluttering, little wings;

Pink sunsets, painted skies;
feet buried in warm white sands.

Being the object of affection, whilst understanding,
one has to give, in order to receive.

The look in Macy's eyes,
pure love;

Because it gives me a sense of peace;
it is why we live.
Because he cares,
and all is only forgotten if we are forgivable.
Because it catches you by surprise;
it is beautiful,
it melts you,
and one deserves nothing less.

Feeling loved.
Because that is when I feel complete.

In a manner of speaking

In a day where arguably chivalry is assumed to be DOA, women equality is prominent, and proper etiquette is a subject of old adage, how important are good manners in today's age?

At dinner, we talked endlessly, had a lot in common. We laughed at the same time, and the silences were not at all awkward. I excused myself, he got up as I did. When I came back to the table, he stood up as I was seating myself back down.

It was the first time I was ever truly impressed with a simple, old-school gesture and what it meant.

I grew up in a household where you wait your turn to speak, even though speaking your mind was always encouraged; where you let those older than you take their turn before you, even though you should always go for what you want; where you eat with your mouth closed, even though you can converse during meals; be courteous whenever possible, no matter how old or young those around you are. I was taught the simple manners in life that have become second nature and unquestioningly part of a regular life.

So when does a simple conduct become debatably out-of-the-way notable by those around them? Have etiquettes of the past become extinct - words of the past we only see and read about in 19th-century novels or movies?

The way I see it, there are 3 levels of good manners: Level 1 are the timeless, must-have simple etiquette such as the ones I learned from my parents; Level 2 is the nice-to-have gesture most of us might need a bit of reminding from time to time; and Level 3 which is the bonus-if-you-ever-experience-it sort, because of their out-of-the-way-nice nature such as my dinner date anecdote.

Level 1 is a given. I wonder about those who do not practice them on a regular basis. Who actually still responds with "huh?" instead of "pardon?"; forgets to say "please" and "thank you"; does not introduce people around them to each other, or worse yet, excludes a person out of a conversation?

Level 2 can be tricky. We sometimes need to remember to offer our seats to the ladies, the elderly; open doors for women, or even hold the door open for the person right behind you regardless of their sex; to say 'yes' instead of 'yeah'; and in the age of mobile phones where shared land-lines are almost non-existent, to ask politely "May I speak to..." for the person with whom you are wanting to speak.

Level 3, on the other hand, is a way to memorably get attention. This category mostly falls under the chivalry section, and arguably dead because women, wanting to be treated equal to men, do not 'need' to be treated any differently. Do we need to order first at a restaurant? be let out of an elevator before a man? have our tabs taken care of all the time? or, as my date Matt was taught at a young age by his father, to stand up for a woman whenever she leaves or approaches the space where you happen to be?

I do not need the people around me to know that you pass the salt and pepper as a pair (and to your right), or to place the napkin on their laps immediately upon being seated at a dinner table, but can appreciate being addressed first by a server at a restaurant. I like to pay for the bill every now and then, but won't get offended if a man asks me to wait and offers to get the car while I wait inside. I do not have to have my chair pulled out for me before I sit down, but would love it if one introduces another with more than just a name.

I don't need to be reminded of how much time has changed, but I can certainly recognise the value of good manners of any kind.

Judging by Connection

When it comes to meeting someone new, do you ever think you may know who they are before you get to know them?

I have had the pleasure in meeting a great guy the other night: Cute, smart, creative, articulate, funny, and active. Athletic and Artistic - a combination after which an oxymoron was named in the world dictionary of "The Perfect Guy". After a drink in hand, we figured out we know someone in common. Not much of a surprise considering for Canada's 3rd largest city, Vancouver is very small in its social network. Or so I have learned over the years. Not only you may end up dating someone who knows someone you know, you might actually date someone who has dated someone you know. The latter is more difficult to swallow, especially if you could see the similar patterns once comparing notes (for us women it is tricky not to). I even know someone who actually ended up dating, (initially) unbeknownst to her, a guy with whom she had a little fling 5 years prior!

Are potential mates so recyclable, that it is acceptable to overlook our proclivity to surround ourselves with the same (type) of people, that we end up meeting and re-meeting the same ones over and over again?

The positive side to that notion is we can then associate a person's character (or interests), without having to ask, but simply by knowing with whom they socialize.

Needless to say, in a matter of a few hours, I asked our 'Connection' about my Athletic Artist (a close friend of his happens to be an ex of my Connection - a colleague; the same guy, incidentally, is also currently in liaison with an ex-colleague of ours, of whom we - and I can speak for the entire company - were glad to be rid). My Connection's answer was simple: "I never knew him all that well, but if he is friends with [C], he must be a really nice guy."

There it is. The label by association.

If once I wrote about judging someone by a first impression, is there such a thing as judging someone by a pre-impression?

I could arbitrarily ascertain that Athletic Artist is a write off because he is friends with someone who, regrettably, has chosen to be with a certain person whose character is no less contentious than the reputation which precedes her. Does this make "C" a bad judge of character? If so, then what does that make Athletic Artist?

Surprisingly, I believe my Connection. Not because of what she said, or with whom Athletic Artist is friends, but because I could sense it when we were talking over the loud progressive house beats, a vodka soda in one hand and him: a demure smile, polite gestures, and modest, well-spoken words.

We don't need to know somebody who knows somebody who might have dated somebody we know to learn about someone new. If you pay attention to the little things, we are our best judge of character.

Online

In our world where population growth is exponential by the decades, does it mean we are actually getting closer to another?

I cannot answer in geographical proximity, though findings have stated that in order to support population growth, the design of our world does not necessarily mean the spreading of humans into the suburban areas. Instead, we build upwards, in the very urbanite centres, creating smaller and smaller distance between us and our neighbours. Although blessed with a view that can be breathtaking, I am not one to want to live 1,000ft above the ground, in the middle of the sky.

Geography aside, what does this mean to our means of communication? The development of communication technology of recent years has enabled us to be close to those who are far, without much of an effort. It does not cease to baffle me that despite the closer physically we are believed to becoming, the farther we are in our physical communication.

Think about how often we email/text/instant mesage a colleague who is sitting across from us or a friend whom we have not seen nor talked to in weeks yet who lives 10 blocks away.

Online Dating. Online Journal. Web Meetings. Emails. Instant Messaging. Web access to limitless possibilities from shopping for groceries, furniture, to banking, books, audio-visual references.

Have we, as creatures of habits, created a small world in which we can live without having to lift a foot?

Is being online meant to bring us closer to each other, or does it inadvertently produce a reverse effect instead?

So many things can be lost in translation, and nothing replaces the power of words. People can hide behind typed letters, without ever having to show their true self. You can be whomever you want to be, because the world does not have to see the real you in order for you to communicate.

On the other hand.

We catch up with friends who live thousands of kilometres away more frequently. We don't let distance become an issue to want to be with a loved one. We communicate when we don't have to. We are able to say things when we are afraid to. We are able to solve problems without passing any wasted time.

It is a wonderful little world we have created for ourselves. One in which distance is next to none; countries merge and cultures amalgamate; where lines between the sky, the water, and the earth turn into a blur.

All things considered, in my books, I never forget that nothing beats the quintessential hug, the shoulder to cry on, a warm hand to hold onto and pull you up when you need it the most. No means of electronic convenience can ever bring the intimacy that can only be brought by another human touch.

Do First Impressions Count?

How well can we know something or someone from a first impression?

First impression counts - to some, it is everything that matters. However, to what extent would we ever want to base our judgement, a final one at that, based on a one-time encounter with a complete stranger? How prepared are we, whether by chance or arranged, at any given moment when a part of our experience in life can be altered solely by a one-time call made by another?

A job interview. A first date. A business meeting. A blind date. Meeting the parents. A greeting at a restaurant.

As life is about learning new experiences, whether they be positive or negative, can we ever be truly prepared for someone to potentially alter the course of a path in which we can end up? How well should we trust our first instinct? Could first impressions actually be used as an excuse for us to discount what we do not want to face?

I am a believer of gut-feeling. And sometimes I second-guess myself once I make a snap judgement on something or someone, based on a first encounter. I would attribute a characteristic, for example, to something negative I have experienced in the past, hence would simultaneously conclude a negative association. Perhaps I am actually not ready to face such potential non-existent issue, thus opt to avoid the entire thing and attribute 'gut-feel' instead as a valid reason for my reaction and decision. I would often ask if such a conclusion would be fair towards the recipient, and often times, I do not want to know the real answer and choose to believe it instead. Some call it 'intuition', some call it 'sign'.

Whatever it is, I ask myself the same question: is it fair?

With all due respect

In our society, there is a silent understanding amongst people, that you need to be mindful in your actions, because even if you think it's just about you, it touches at least another.

Take managing people, for example. If you are a people manager, at least 50% of your time will (have to) be spent on people issues, whether it be professional or personal. The tough part comes when your management style and your own manager's are different. It is then when both of you would have to respect each other's, because there is no right and only one way of managing: it can work for some, but not others; it can drive some crazy, or drive the objective home; it can be motivating, or discouraging. In the end, it's about both parties 'managing' each other, and respecting how each goes about accomplishing tasks or overcoming issues, and that they do not have to agree on the how.

The sticky part can come when one or both does not realise the line between who begins and who ends: the overlap. Not only can it send a confusing message for the other people who might also be involved or caught in the cross-fire, it creates easily avoidable conflict should one have identified the roles and objectives of each from the very beginning.

1. Never assume the other person knows what you're thinking.
2. There is no such thing as too much clarification.
3. Not everyone has the same way of communicating nor does everyone solve problems the way you do.

Everybody grew up in different environments, surrounded by people who have influenced them in ways others might have never been influenced.

Remember that.

Personal or professional.